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BEFORE MARIAGE
John- Ah...At last! I can hardly wait!
Jane- Do you want me to leave?
John- NO! Don't even think about it.
Jane- Do you love me?
John- Of course! Always have and always will!
Jane- Have you ever cheated on me?
John- NO! Why you even asking?
Jane- Will you kiss me?
John- Every chance I get!
Jane- Will you hit me?
John- Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Jane- Can I trust you?
John- Yes
Jane- Darling!
AFTER MARIAGE read from the bottom back to the top!
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
-----
Ed was riding his motorcycle along a California road when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
Ed pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
Ed thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that all men could understand women; We want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives us the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how we can make a woman truly happy.'
The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?'
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